Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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