You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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