im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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