After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
