i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
