I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
