his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
