he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she told me i tasted like america
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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