made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
