I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i believe in u and ur pee
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
