mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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