we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
