6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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