And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
