Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
