I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
