I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
