and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
