You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
