What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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