Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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