my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
