This is not my ceiling
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
