Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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