Your face is a jimmy john
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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