Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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