If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
