I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
