I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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