i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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