toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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