their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
