The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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