it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
