Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
