I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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