I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
