hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
