god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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