Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
