Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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