Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
