So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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