I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
