I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
