Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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