And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
