Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
