New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
