They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
