Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
