I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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