sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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