There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
